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Sparring with girls
Is there anything to think about when sparring with a girl?
Is this just a non-issue I shoul’nt think about?
I’m a girl and am very frustrated by guys not wanting to roll with me and/or treating me differently. I just want to learn like everyone else. When I first got to my gym (all men) everyone was always fussing about accidentally pulling my hair, and they looked away when it was time to choose drilling partners and I’d end up with nobody. We eventually got over it and all is well but I would have just as soon skipped the whole annoying process. Even now, I always have to be the person to initiate a roll. In short: if there are women in your gym, roll with them!!! If they are serious about BJJ they will appreciate you bridging the awkward gap. If they aren’t serious and are afraid to roll (which also happens sometimes, I hear) no harm done.
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LikeDislikeSpeaking from a girls’ perspective, there is no reason to think about anything being different. We’re all there to learn and practice.
My only issue on the mat with some guys is that they cannot stand to be tapped by a girl and will totally spaz out while sparring. I’ve also been crushed by meatheads who outweigh me. Don’t be the guy (or girl) on the mat that no one wants to spar with.
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LikeDislikeBaseball.
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LikeDislikeAs a girl who does jiu jitsu I have noticed that whenever I spar with men they go rather easy on me. Sometimes it is blatantly obvious that they are going easy on me or sometimes not so much. I can see a clear differentiation that some guys have against girls. However, I have to remind them that there is no point to go easy on me or sparring differently. Most of the time us girls can handle a guy who is twice the size of her. Then there are the guys that just won’t spar with a girl because of their gender. I would like it to be a non-issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you should treat us differently but rather treat us like any other training partner. So no worries about training with a girl. Just go for it.
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LikeDislikeHonestly, you really shouldn’t worry about that sort of thing. I’m a girl, and have sparred with multiple boys, and have never been weirded out or hesitant about sparring with them. It’s really just like sparring with a boy, just with a few differences. Don’t worry.
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LikeDislikeThis was actually my biggest fear and a huge deterrent in joining BJJ. My belt is as white as the giant grain of salt that you should be taking my advice with, as I’m still only a month in. I’m a shy guy as it is, and getting into such close contact with a girl other than one I’d be in a relationship with was a big no-no in my brain. To be frank, I don’t think there’s any guy out there -no matter how serious they are about BJJ- who hasn’t at least thought about it.
That said, you should be honest with yourself. You’re a man. You’re attracted to women. Close contact with the female body is hardwired to make you excited. Nothing you can do about it. It’s an instinct, which you will have to bypass using another instinct: that of survival. When someone is trying to collapse your trachea or suddenly give you 360 degrees of elbow range of motion , having offspring doesn’t look that appealing. Concentrate on that. Another thing that might sound off-putting, but really helped me, is to just ‘roll with it’. You touched her chest? So be it. It won’t be awkward unless you make it. Actually, there’s a girl in my class I’d definitely date and we get paired pretty often, and up until the second week mark it was very awkward for me, and she could sense it: anytime she mounted me, I’d go totally nervous and just try to get this over with. Over time, I just treated her like a training partner: when we fight, we fight. Fiercely yet responsibly. If I touch a boob or she touches something else, we just recognize it as an unwanted accident, smile playfully, maybe briefly apologize and keep rolling. In the meantime (during technique breaks etc.), I treat her like I treat my female friends. It’s gotten to a point where it feels extremely comfortable and pleasant, even caring in a cute way. The take-away point is, if something awkward happens, just recognize it, roll with it, and if it turns awkward, just make a joke about it to ease the tension. Once, she touched my family jewels and she just froze, and I told her ‘you should at least buy me dinner first’. She laughed and we kept going.
Now, if push comes to shove and you have an unwanted bodily reaction, let me share a tip with you: flex EVERY freaking muscle on your body. Your biceps especially. This will divert the blood flow towards that region.
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